Daily Twitter Posts

  • 22:33 please ignore: Daily Twitter Posts: 22:33 please ignore: Daily Twitter Posts: 23:21 @markhw42 do t.. tinyurl.com/ahg368 #
  • 07:25 @markhw42 damn… forgot it was on! Listen Again here I come #
  • 08:33 please ignore: Links for 2009-02-26 [del.icio.us]: All your TweetDeck questions answered | richa.. tinyurl.com/acb5sq #
  • 11:32 BlogPost: Bash a Banker: So the press are at it again whipping up the public who are now baying for the.. bit.ly/o39eA #
  • 12:04 LOL "How could any woman who is not the carnal chew-toy of Beelzebub know so many different things?" bit.ly/e8i3g #
  • 12:32 BlogPost: Ryanair – Spending a penny? That will be £1 thank you!: Irish budget airline Ryanair has said.. bit.ly/jOnXq #
  • 15:32 RT @hopisen: No, No , No. Stop it, Bank robbers. You can’t go round taking money out of banks these days. You have to put it in. #
  • 15:38 BlogPost: The Daily Mash: I am an infrequent visitor to The Daily Mash a satirical website covering cur.. bit.ly/z89oe #
  • 16:36 BlogPost: Ryan-Fare: It didn’t take long for the b3ta boards to latch on to the RyanAir fiasco.hat tip .. bit.ly/fuduL #
  • 21:52 now that was a cracking game of Rugby, well done France #

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The Daily Mash


I am an infrequent visitor to The Daily Mash a satirical website covering current news with spoof stories, commentary and opinion. It can be a bit patchy and puerile (nothing actually wrong in that) but when I am feeling a little jaded with the world it sometimes makes me smile, like today.

A selection of recent articles.

RYANAIR PLANES TO SMELL STRONGLY OF URINE AND FAECES
Tom Logan, a frequent flyer from London, said: “I’m really looking forward to loading up on curry and Guinness and then going off like a muck spreader the next time I fly to Bratislava.”

BROWN REFUSES TO HAND BACK PENSION
Martin Bishop, head of pension rows at the Institute for Studies, said: “It’s a fascinating dynamic. The politicians blame the bankers, the bankers blame the politicians, and the ordinary taxpayer is down on all fours with a confused look on his face, being f**ked at both ends.”

GAIL TRIMBLE TO BE BURNT AS A WITCH
Emma Bradford, a terrified sales manager from Leeds, said: “How could any woman who is not the carnal chew-toy of Beelzebub know so many different things?

CLARKSON FACTUALLY CORRECT
“Or if he had wandered around the stage with one eye shut, bumping into things while sticking his tongue inside his bottom lip and banging the backs of his hands together while screaming ‘och aye the noo, I’m Gordon the spazzy’, then yes, that is perhaps going a bit too far.”

Ryanair – Spending a penny? That will be £1 thank you!


Irish budget airline Ryanair has said it is considering charging passengers for using the toilet while flying.

Chief executive Michael O’Leary told the BBC that the Dublin-based carrier was looking at maybe installing a “coin slot on the toilet door”.

What next? Fitting scales and charging a luggage weight surcharge for the amount you defecate or urinate?

Oh well they don’t care what us idiot bloggers think anyway.

[update] You can see the interview on the BBC News website here

Bash a Banker

So the press are at it again whipping up the public who are now baying for their pound of flesh.

Sir Fred Goodwin is their latest target, who is rightly being criticised for his obscene pension arrangements following the criminal mismanagement of the Royal Bank of Scotland (RBS).

However I seem to remember that when the Government went in and bailed out RBS it was a condition that he and the others were effectively sacked. Now I know that when you sack someone, or they resign you have to negotiate a severance package – what and how much money they are entitled to.

For most people it is normally written into the contract of employment. In light of the situation RBS was in Goodwin agreed to waive his contractual entitlement, 15 months of salary and his ‘bonus’ which is reported to have cost him approximately £4.2m!

Now the Government are saying that his pension arrangements were not known to them, what utter rubbish! Are they seriously telling us that they threw huge sums of taxpayers money at a mismanaged organisation without preforming due diligence and checking exactly what the architects of the disaster had or were going to cream off?

We heard two stories yesterday – firstly Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling back to their Laurel and Hardy best claiming they knew nothing, and secondly Lord Myners (who is an ex-banker) and Stephen Timms saying they knew about it, but thought it was part of the contract and could do nothing about it! Surely it wouldn’t have took a legal team long to examine the contract to determine the truth?

However Fred Goodwin has not rolled over to political pressure. He now seems to have turned the focus back on the Government who are now looking quite frankly incompetent (again) and are now facing criticism from within their own ranks.

Being cynical, I believe the story was initially spun to take the press attention from the eye watering £325bn of taxpayers money being put at risk to secure the toxic debts of RBS and the damaging revelations about the role of Gordon Brown and the Government coming from the Commons Treasury Committee, firstly by Lord Turner and then Mervyn King and the other bad news about the growing rebellion concerning the Post Office sell-off and the shocking truth that the Government were involved in the extraordinary rendition of terrorist subjects.

And today we have the revelation that HBOS has also made unbelievable losses. I am sure Lloyds are regretting merging with HBOS earlier this year in a Government-brokered deal, mind you they are dumping £250bn in to the same piss-pot as RBS.

Daily Twitter Posts

  • 22:33 please ignore: Daily Twitter Posts: 23:21 @markhw42 do think his smirking might alienate public op.. tinyurl.com/beznga #
  • 08:29 please ignore: Links for 2009-02-25 [del.icio.us]: Hidden Cameras in DTV Converters? YouTube Hoa.. tinyurl.com/be4ow7 #
  • 14:54 The function is declared you useless compiler! #
  • 17:27 getting ready to go home, wonder if the flock of starlings are currently decorating the car? #
  • 17:35 please ignore: More Blank Cheques: It just gets more surreal as the days go by, more and more blan.. tinyurl.com/d9fsn4 #

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More Blank Cheques

It just gets more surreal as the days go by, more and more blank cheques signed by the taxpayer.

Mervyn King told the Treasury Select Committee it would take “many months” to establish the scale of toxic assets held by banks. “How much capital banks will need in the end is impossible to tell,” he added. His comments came after the Treasury announced it would insure £325bn of toxic assets from RBS, while pumping an extra £13bn into the loss-making bank.

Mr King acknowledged the UK public debt was “too high” when entering the recession but dismissed as “wild exaggeration” any suggestion that the country was going bust because of the bank bail-out.

The opposition have latched on to the admission the Government’s high level of borrowing had limited its options in responding to the financial crisis.

“In a refreshingly candid statement, the Governor of the Bank of England has confirmed what we’ve always said – that Gordon Brown borrowed too much in the boom and left Britain badly prepared for the recession.

“Everyone is now pointing to the mistakes made in Labour’s age of irresponsibility except the man who made most of them – Gordon Brown.”

On a more positive note, Mr King stressed that Britain would emerge from the recession, saying: “There have been downturns and financial crises in the past. It won’t go on for ever. It will be painful but we will come through it.”

As Wendy would say ONIONS!

Daily Twitter Posts

  • 23:21 @markhw42 do think his smirking might alienate public opinion, looked a bit like a University Challenge contestant 🙂 #
  • 23:32 @markhw42 was a very good takedown made Sigman look a proper idiot – obvious Paxman thought it was a load of bad science too. #
  • 08:44 @markhw42 M50 TMA? sounds like some sort of automatic weapon… Hasta La Vista Baby! #
  • 09:45 there really are some gullible people out there – hidden cameras in set-top boxes! lol bit.ly/1apgYb #
  • 09:57 Very sad news about Cameron’s son Ivan #
  • 10:24 @guardiantw appalling audio production on latest podcast – uploaded an early edit? #
  • 10:34 amazing NewMediaAge don’t bother to put any tags in their podcasts and the file is called 57.mp3 – helpful NOT! #
  • 11:19 12 weeks for causing death by dangerous driving! shakes head in disbelief bit.ly/UfEP6 #
  • 15:43 #derekdraper "not any more!" lol #
  • 15:45 listening to BBC 5 about political blogging #

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From The Dark Side Of My Mind

Without the permission of Pink Floyd

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but youre older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought Id something more to say

Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
And when I come home cold and tired
Its good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells.

As imagined by the haunting voice of Mary Fahl